Immortal

When I was immortal, I smoked cigarettes
Roll-ups without filters, a pack of B&H
Crashing the ash thirty times a day, with yellowed fingers

But that was when I was immortal

When I was immortal I ate full fat butter
And melted cheese on my egg on toast,
Ate pies with chips, finished a meal with chocolate and biscuits
And stayed as slender as a length of string

But that was when I was immortal

When I was immortal, I drank alcohol
Red wine and white, beer and brandy, cider and vodka, whisky and dry
I drank until I couldn’t see, couldn’t stand, couldn’t keep it in
But still thought I could dance

But that was when I was immortal

When I was immortal, I rode the bus in full make-up
In the broadest of daylight.
I paraded the streets in androgynous, gothic splendour
Confusing the elderly, angering the ordinary
I had sex casually, frequently, anonymously, indiscriminately
Almost anywhere, with almost anyone

But that was when I was immortal

I don’t remember when I stopped being immortal.

It might have been when I learned fancy new words like
Cirrhosis, angina, emphysema, gout

It might have been when I stopped dying my hair, learned to fear violence
Or remembered that I should really have used condoms

It might have been when I watched loved ones fade to colourless old age,
Or stop suddenly from heart attacks, or be eaten slowly by disease

I’m not immortal, not any more
It’s possible that I never was
But, every so often, it’s still fun to pretend

 

October 2025

 

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