Start Again

Start Again

I want to start it all again
And not be reminded every day
Of somebody who has died

I want to wake up not remembering
Who crocheted our blankets
And why there’s a sheet under the sofa cushions

I want to go shopping and recognise nobody
And not remember whose milk I used to buy
And who enjoyed cheap QC sherry

I want to forget how to say ‘used to’
And ‘was’ and ‘did’, and instead remember
‘Will be’ and ‘is’

I want to discover new towns, climb hills
And forget that I no longer need to remember
Who might like to hear about them

I want to cross bridges and turn corners
That I’ve never turned before
This time, unaccompanied by ghosts

I want my tears to come by choice
Like knick-knacks and gewgaws, locked in a box
Opened only when I feel like it

I want to fly into old age on wings of amnesia
Caring only for what lies ahead
Rusty chains broken around my skinny ankles

I want to start again, and again, and again
And not be reminded, every damnable day
Of somebody else who has died.

 

February 2025

 

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