Not Okay (a villanelle)

I’m standing up ready to face the day
But maybe you deserve to know
That, actually, I’m not okay

I’ve packed my losses and grief away
In a sturdy box to stand on and show
That I’m up and ready to face the day

It’s a tidy box that I can hide and say
“Look, I’m fine.  Nothing you need to know.”
But, actually, I’m not okay.

There’s not much room left to stow away
Any more than I can deal with now, so
I can stand up ready to face the day

The lock is creaking and the hinges strain
While I convince myself I can go with the flow
And ignore the fact that I’m not okay

This is likely the way I’ll always stay
But maybe you really have a right to know
That I’m standing up ready to face the day
But, actually, I’m not okay.

 

March 2025

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