Als das Kind

Als das Kind
(after Wings of Desire – Wim Wenders, 1987)

When the child was a child
He found purpose in paint pots, Lego and Plasticine
Wrote stories and walked alone for hours on end
Learned to fear imprisonment

He had religious experiences on a daily basis
Hated meat that wasn’t sausages or dinosaur shapes
Listened to records by almost anybody

When the child was a youth
He found eyesight to be an epiphany
Learned to swim and to ride a bicycle
Wore green and walked in church parades he didn’t believe in

He didn’t want to run or to dance at weddings
He watched Multi-Coloured Swap Shop on Saturday mornings
And ate cereal with extra sugar

When the youth was a youth
He rebelled from education, knowing all he would ever need
Wore make-up and smoked cigarettes
Played records at classmates’ houses

He knew he was destined to be an artist, a rock singer, a unique individual
Discovered sex furtively and clumsily
Refused to go to college for re-sits

When the youth was an adult
He believed in free love and couldn’t understand why his girlfriend didn’t
Danced in nightclubs while drinking lager straight from the bottle
Saw himself as a goth, a hippy, a slut, a vampire, a fop

He worked at dead-end jobs and was made redundant every six months
Learned to roll cigarettes, to be a parent, to discover death
Still thought that six years was a long time

When the adult was an adult
He took photographs of mushrooms and sought solitude without wanting to be alone
Washed his thoughts away with red wine and pornography
Watched films and read poems that made him stop breathing

He fell in love easily
Learned interesting new identities like ‘gender non-conforming’ and ‘service top’
Needed money and forgot words that were remembered for him

When the adult was a child
He craved foods he no longer liked
Neglected himself when he became lost in creating
Realised he’d forgotten how to cry

He found purpose in paint pots, stages and pens
Remembered how to play, but not why
Took tablets on doctors’ orders and found his limbs to be stiff and heavy.

When the child was a child
He knew who he was every day and found such questions silly
He knew that other people got old
And that next week was months away.

 August 2024

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